comtemplation upon new understanding

I've just come from one of my favorite blogs. Now I need to write about what's been on my mind for a day or two, and how Laura's blog has affected it/me.

This is about a friend and something I just lately discovered. I love her, you see. I think of her (have thought for years) as my 'best friend'. I see now that isn't really true. We don't hold even a similar position on each other's list of priorities. She knows me better than anyone (or almost anyone), but that's because of our particular shared history. We've come thru some 12 Steps and some workshops, and some really intense learning experiences that gave us special knowledge of each other.

Because of that, and because it was so easy, and because I really wanted a best friend; I made a couple of assumptions that have turned out to be untrue. Now, that's not to say she doesn't love me, too. In fact, I think she does. But I'm pretty sure, now, that if someone were to ask her who her best friend is, mine would not be the name that comes to her mind.
-- Now that's just sad --
...or that's sad, just now...

I get it that this new understanding can be ok. There are lots of ways of looking at the two of us that I can see, and see value in. And I think I don't/won't come to love her less...
But I think I do need to love her differently. And I need some time for this just to be sad....... :(

And one of these days when I can, I need to check this all out with her somehow. That part is scary to me; which is really kinda funny, when you think about it. I mean in the light of our history and all...

So, just to be sure you understand: I'm OK with being sad about this. It seems good and appropriate that there be a period of mourning. I used to have a best friend, and now I have a good friend who wants only the best for me.