Transitory Flights

Times of transition - confusion - growing...mostly painful... ...because the 'buttons' I inherited in my childhood are of the 'you're really not worth it' type...

I once met a woman who told me that she got to learn her lessons thru fun, play, and prosperity and such...I didn't really like her much. -and I didn't really believe her, either. My lessons seem to come to me thru pain; most of the people I know (who learn) seem to learn thru pain.

But I've grown and learned since I knew that other woman, and now at least, I'm willing to grant that it may be possible to learn valuable life lessons in the midst of joy and prosperity. I can't personally testify to it. And she wasn't someone I held close, so I can't speak for her, either.

I'm looking for my 'life purpose' whatever that is! Or do we even get one? I don't know. I know that I'm not blissfully happy; I know that I don't 'give back' enough; I know that I don't have a sense of making anything better for the world or for anyone.

I've been spending a lot of time of the blog site of my personal coach, Laura Young. She's come to a place where she is willing to share a deep, thoughtful, and painful process she went thru/is going thru on her way to conscious living, and more importantly, conscious dying. Thru her I am finding others and spending more time on this blog of my own. I like thinking thru my fingers.

I started this post many days ago - before Katrina - before new understandings about friendship - before one or two experiments with setting boundaries...so naturally, my perspective has shifted already.
(Do you find that true, too? Almost daily differences in perspective or outlook?)
Anyway
How could one be the same after Katrina? And I am no where near Louisana! I mean, the magnitude of the physical disaster was horrible, then we have to deal with all the political, racial, and social issues that have come from so many aspects of the..the what? response? mistakes? What do we call all...that!? (If you're not sure what I'm talking about check out a few of the blog services. Be sure to take several deep breaths before starting to read...some of the posts will know your socks off!)

For those like me - far away with no family there, never been to New Orleans - I can, at least, begin to look for the lessons. I can, at least, focus my energy and hold a positive spiritual space. I've sent what money I can - I'm sure you have, too.

What I simply can NOT do is imagine what this devastation must be like for those actually living thru it! And so many of them are children! Or look like my great-grandmother!!!!

So now what? This event is turning out to have far-reaching effects that I would never have thought of on my own. I couldn't buy distilled water today because someone needed it more. I think longer about car trips now...I'm beginning to think more about other ways that my lifestyle affects the town and the planet where I live.

We are unlikely to see any relocated victims here; we're a tiny resort community with very little housing and virtually no jobs. So, what else can I do? Well...for one thing, we are already seeing that the numbers of local people needing help seem to be gorwing a little, and resources for helping them are a little smaller. Remember them, too. Dig just a little deeper for your own local charities; they are going to need you.

******

So - am I nearer to my purpose?
No.
Does it matter?
Only to me.
Are others matters more important?
Hmmmmmm - situational question requiring multiple, situational answers.
Do I EVER really have to know what my purpose is?
Oh, I would SO like to....
but, no, really...I don't HAVE to know.

What I think I HAVE to do it to show up (as Laura says)
To be here now.
To live in the moment while holding hope for the future in my heart.
To be at peace in the midst of turmoil.
To roll with the punches.
To get so good at feeling 'in balance' that I can stand up in the boat and just not worry about falling out.
To accept you where you are - and me where I am - and to know that every moment prepares me for the next.
And to know that walking thru a string of moments, however long or short the string, with my eyes and my mind and my heart OPEN will bring me to that last (earthly) moment with... ...with that same openness - a readiness - for the next moment, the next lesson, the next...

Happy trails to you