BreakThru or BreakDown...?

I wonder these days...
Like diamonds, I tend to crystalize under pressure.
(That, in itself, is a nice perspective on what's happening with me. I keep getting these lessons about perspective. Very interesting. In fact, I got a wonderful graphic lesson thru email the other day. I'll post it here just as soon as I can find the source and figure out how.)

I claim to be retired now. Sometimes I claim to be a coach. Sometimes I claim Omnicrone.
Mostly these days, I am coaching myself - with some amazing help from Laura Young and Molly Gordon - and with the magical, serendipitous blessings that pop-up in email or in various blogs that I "just happen" to find.

Something's up with me. You can sense it in some of my posts, and I see/feel it almost constantly in my body and my spirit.
I'm practicing Tai Chi, as you may remember. I find sometimes that I want to cry in the middle of class. The one cool thing during the process is that I am less concerned with hiding the tears. Folks can just do with them what they will.

(I am aware that it's not always safe to be open like that.)

What is really going on is that I am on the path to finding me.
It's scary.
But I am very very good at doing scary things. (not including Freddie Kruger movies)

I am a funny paradox.
On one hand I am a consummate performer, always ready for the spotlight (literally).
On the other hand, I'm most comfortable with invisibility.

What makes this duality work for me is my expertise at role-playing.
It started in college with scripts and costumes and make-up, so that she-who-nearly-flunked-Speech-class for simply refusing to stand up in front of the class can now (then, actually) garner awards for theatrical expertise.

Then I learned I could "put on" a business persona and speak to colleagues at meetings, etc.

So I've been stepping out to slightly greater degrees for quite some time now...even made a speech or two.

---within these various personas---

So who am I?
If I decide to stop being invisible
and I decide to stop wearing costumes
...who will I be? Who am I?

I have a vision about that.
Maybe I'll share it with you one of these days...

Meanwhile, I explore the process of shedding old personas - old costumes - old flaky makeup...