Hooray for me!

I want to talk about dragons this morning, and the related activity - dragon slaying.
(If you're not sure what the heck I'm talking about you'll find intro information here at Laura's blog or here in another entry. In case you don't know, she's my dragon-slaying coach.)

Dragons - sometimes they come in tribal groups. One very large and active tribe is called Expectations. These are the dragons that convince you that

• if I just buy enough tickets I really can win the lottery
• if I get job A then my life will be all rosy
• if she/he loves me I'll get the perfect life and 2.5 children
• if I figure out my "life purpose" I'll finally have value

There are many clans within the Expectations tribe. Some take charge of how you feel about dusty furniture, some are in charge of what the bridge club thinks... (you fill in the blanks).

One clan is known as Exfot, or - Expectations for (and about) Others. These dragons say; "well, you really love her and she knows all your secrets, so of course, she's your very best friend", and other useless stuff like that.

These can be very big and hairy dragons with which to do battle, but they have some interesting and little known characteristics. Because they are a tribe - an interconnected unit - they all feel the pain when you wound one! And when you actually succeed in slaying one, they all start to bleed, the gas jets that send out those long scary flames begin to leak and hiss. Some have even been known to spontaneously combust! It's a wonderful thing to behold!!! :)



If you want context for the rest of today's post, just check back a few days to this entry.
So, anyway...
My friend called very early yesterday morning; "My morning's open, do you want to go hiking?"
Well, yes, of course.
- only now, it's scarier. She doesn't know that yet, of course, but I'm not exactly the same person who was talking to her before. I know I said/thought that I might need to talk about these things with her - but WOW! - it's only been a coup'la days - don't I have to worry over it a little longer, first?

So we go.
It's a trail she's familiar with, but one I've never seen. It's beautiful. A climb...slowly, inexorably uphill. I've just come from a workout, so my quads are feeling it quickly, burning a little, and mirroring in my physical body the struggle going on in my mental and emotional bodies.

Soon, though, we're following a tiny stream. The sound is wonderful, just enough sun and shade to make the temperature perfect.
And there's me - making small talk and figuring whether, and where, and how I might clear the air between us.

So we got to the the turn-around point and sat to rest for a moment and...
I KILLED IT DEAD! Boom!
I took a deep breath, pulled out my trusty sword, and killed this big, ugly, hairy dragon that was hoping I would die because I found out she wasn't really 'my best friend'.

Instead I saw the dragon and knew him for what he was...mostly hot air...an Exfot...
.......................poor baby; his days were numbered from that moment on.

So, even while I was crying, I could laugh. And feel powerful...very Omnicrone-ish.

I do still have a friend. She's wonderful. She knew how to hear this - how to be present for it.
We both understand the 'us' thing better. We will always love each other and be ready to step up if needed. And we can go hiking when it works out... She's a mentor, a model, a life-long connection who will always want exactly the best for me.

We're not best friends.
She never was my best friend.
I don't have a best friend right now.
I'd really like to have one.

So...what are the ramifications of slaying dragons?
In this case, I find that I am stronger, less fearful, more open, more honest about who I am (to myself!), a better model (for anyone looking), closer to Spirit, and more ready to face the next dragon that pops up.

(And I know that the entire tribe of Expectation dragons has suffered a mortal blow. They may not all die quickly, but their fate is sealed. )

Now, this is not entirely over. I still have some grieving to do. The fact that I never really had this 'best friend' does not change the fact that I believed I did and now I don't. I get to grieve this loss. And even though it is the loss of a fantasy, it is indeed a REAL loss.
I don't think it will take me very long, but the day got crazy and the car broke down, and things got in the way of getting some private time. Meanwhile, I don't have to wait for the power... I already discovered that yesterday.

Whew!
Exhale
Relax
Thank you God/Spirit/Laura/Joyce/Joel/John