Did You Know that Fritos come in Honey BBQ Twists, Now?!

And guess who's eatin' 'em at 2:00 AM!

So, I've already broken my promise to myself (and to you) to write here every other day re: the AGO posts...and I'm not going there this morning, either.

I've been totally ignoring the drama going on in the present tense. (I use the word 'tense' advisedly.) I hesitate to write here because I'm basically chicken s#%t about some kinds of things: one of them being hurting people. (Yeah, I've heard we're all in charge of our own pain; but I came by this particular button a long time ago and I've been sticking with it!)

So, what's the point?
We've been sharing our home for the last three+ months with a friend - well, at least she was - we thought...I think...

You know what really happened?
We heard the call to Rescue a Damsel, so naturally, we hopped on our white chargers and headed off to 'take care of it/her'. Can you identify?

We even thought we thought it over. Hah!
Little did we know that Universe was setting us up for some really huge (and, no doubt, timely) lessons in the shape of a big ol' hairy dragon that looked like a friend.

Now, do NOT get me wrong.
This woman is my friend, and if I'm very careful, and as open as possible, I may be able to keep her a friend for a long long time. Or at least for an email buddy. Her castle walls are really thick and the battlements are high...but, hey, anything's possible.

So what am I learning here? Well.

• I don't have a white horse.
• You've heard about The Emperor's New Clothes? Well, that's kinda what my armor looks like.....not even rusty...just not there :(
• We didn't think it through in the light of our own history, and our shared experience.
• We didnt' set parameters. - for any of us.
• I'm vain (VERY) about my peace-keeper/mediator 'role'.
• I failed to listen and really hear my partner.
• I'm STILL judgemental.
• I give away too much sometimes, without considering the consequences. (This is a formerly undetected left-over dragonlette from when I used to 'buy' my friends. Take note: generosity is not always a virtue.)
• I can be a raging Pollyanna without even trying - and no, that is not a contradiction in terms!
• I don't keep promises. (ouch - this one really hurts)
• I am extremely uncomfortable in the middle - One can't/mustn't try to mediate in one's own household.
• I AM a middle.
• I can't rescue Damsels unless I have liberated myself...and unless I've hand-written at least two full pages of 'pros and cons'.
• I still handle stress with food. (hence Fritos at 2:49 AM)

And maybe the biggest

• I don't know if I can trust my impulses re: peacekeeping and love.
• And I think I am hurting three people, not just one.

So where are we now?

The damsel is packing to move. There is anger, and hurt feelings, and guilt, and shame all over the place - and that's just ME.
The others are feeling those things, too, I think - or their own versions of something that looks like those things from the outside - and the tension in the house is high. We all know it's coming to an end. No one wants to pick a fight.

Except the dragon, of course, and at the moment she is winning.

Inhale

Exhale

repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat...