Friday, July 21, 2006

Crabby Crustacean

I spoke some time ago about the crabby crustacean who lives within -(I'd link if I could find it!)
She's appeared in the guise of dragon lately.

I didn't really (haven't yet) gone to battle with her...actually.



I just stuck my thumb in my mouth, skittered up close beside her, and
held my breath
while she beat me, familiarly, about the head and shoulders.

I'm not sure which of us got tired of it first, but it's not happening now.

Spiritual evolution basically sucks -------now and then.
I'm not fond of looking into mirrors

well...I say that, and yet I seem to do it Over & Over ...and over & over... blah, blah, blah

I'm having/have been having a lot of trouble giving up this house. No, this ground. The structure has been replaced or remodeled...
Neither of the above - it's HOME that's hard to leave.
So, my sign is Cancer, the Crab - the crabby crustacean
...so attached to HOME that she carries it on her back.

What I think I'm seeing is that this displacement has been going on for over four years now, and is finally coming to a head.
Ever since we first replaced the ancient trailer with the new double-wide modular, I've had stuff in boxes. Some things have still not been unpacked since 2001!
Most things came back into the new house in the fall of 2001.
Then in late 2002 we decided to take a sabbatical in Florida while I finished up some schooling - so pack a bunch of stuff for 6 months in FL, and pack up the rest to make room for the woman and 2 kids who will live in and care for the house and take care of the cat.
Big sad story about that, and two months later, I'm back to pack up EVERYTHING so that I can lease the house and take the cat back to FL.
Then coming back to NM - UNpack..the car, the U-Haul, the stuff in storage!!!...
Now we are packing yet again. I reach for a tool or a dish in the kitchen only to realize that it is already packed and gone.
Where is that curling iron? You're kidding, that, too?! Never mind that I haven't used it in two years....what about NOW?

So I've been crabby.


more later
probably


Laura has sparked some interesting thought trails with some recent posts.
She made quite a bit of sense to me as she described what she was coming to understand about the nature of her god object. (Read this post to get the pun.)
I liked it as well as I understood it.

I haven't seen a way to reconcile that concept with my yearning for congregation in the way that churches provide. I especially miss vocal, harmony-rich, spiritual music. If you want to see an example, check out the Gaither Vocal Band or any singer(s) on the Gaither Gospel Hour. That just seems to me to be such a perfect way to celebrate spirit. Why does that music seem to be so inextricabilly tied to fundamental Christianity?
And how about the air in a room where 200 or 2000 others are all focused on spirit -
whether through led or silent prayer, or any of a number of meditation practices...

Lots of questions these days.
Lots of interesting thoughts.
Periods of anxiety and mild depression.

I see that I am 'in process' as some of my friends would say.
It isn't really a different process than the everyday process we all live through as we pass the time on planet earth. This stretch of road just feels a little bumpier than others have been.
Compared to most, the bumps are tiny...but that only matters when I am objective. In the midst of my own personal angst, I am sometimes overwhelmed by their size and complexity.
Anyone identify?

Now that the floodgates have opened, you may see exactly that - a flood.
Grab a couple of innertubes, the sunscreen, and a cooler full of sparkling wine and maybe you'll enjoy riding the current.
ttfn

2 Comments:

At 1:57 AM, Blogger Erin said...

Can I just say I did a little dance on seeing you back here? (Your crabby crustacean joined in, and for what it's worth, she's quite the dancer.)

Innertube, noseplugs, sunscreen.... ready.

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger Kate Winner said...

Thanks, Erin...It's very nice to be back.

 

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