Best Friends - revisiting
It's been more than 7 months since my revelation about my 'best friend' and the battle with Exfot.
I find that I can still be sad about that -- when I have the time and it crosses my mind.
I still don't have a 'best friend'. I have a great girlfriend who is working on being a best friend, but we're not there yet. I don't know how the move might affect that, but we'll see. In the meantime, we're seeing as much of each other as we can. Very much fun.
And I have a new buddy/singer/bikerchick who may let me ride her motorcycle one of these days. That's really cool. I like her a lot, and she's fun to sing with, even though we don't know many of the same songs yet (and are both altos!)...and she is the BEST pet sitter we've ever found. Li'l Bit loves her a bunch!
Dreams can hang on for a long time. I was talking with Joel and Steve today about that. Sometimes we can't go get our dreams because the risk of losing it is too great: 'what if I try and don't make it---then the dream is gone, too and I have nothing'.
Well I held on to my 'best friend' for a long time. And the loss of that particular dream is still sad sometimes. I find, though, that I prefer the sadness of the lost dream much more than the disappointment of the 'best friend' who doesn't call...
And I know, too, that the sadness is all mine and just about the loss of a dream. It has a poignancy that is actually comfortable...a little.
That's not exactly what I mean...
I know, much more clearly now, just what a best friend is. I know how to be one, I think.
And I know when I have one.
I have one in Joel, for sure. But there is something a little different when one's best friend is also one's spouse. Joel is great! and Joel is a woman friend, too.... Can't explain the difference, don't really care.
I love the people I love. I don't really have to see them often or live near them to love them well.....
...and one day, I'd like really to have a best friend.
posted by Kate Winner @ 3:53 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
That's why I've struggled so with the thought of losing Mike. Scott certainly is my best friend but it is different when it is a spouse. Not sure how to explain how and don't know that explaining it is important to me. I don't know if I'll ever have a best friend again once Mike is gone. Maybe, but it's hard to imagine because it's so many years and so much trust and so much showing up to so much of life. It's just so precious. Maybe the gift is that I know the preciousness now while I still have it.
Amen, sister....
or as they say, Ah-she.
the gift you mention
and the gift of being heard.
Thanks.
ok, words and a few tears from the expert at independence and solitude:
Never had one. ALways a bridesmaid, they like to joke, never either of the starring female roles.
And it's ok. It just is.
Lots of beloved friend who love me back, what is it that makes us want to be the one most important something to somebody?
Ego, of course, for the short answer...
And also a spot to be rooted, a space where I know I'm safe, someone who can hear anything and still love me, one who cheers my victories, soothes my wounds, and only lets me whimper for a limited amount of time...and who doesn't live in my house.
but what if you don't have that, in or out of the house?
that's what I'm puzzling about, myself.....
Thankfully, that 'space' and creating it is my own special gift, so I always have that part.
As for the friend to share it - well, that's an extra blessing and may come with time. My very good friend Shaula is almost there; at the moment, she wants me to be the guru, though...we're working on it.
But, just one best friend...yeah, I/we/you may not have one. They aren't standard issue. I think we have to undestand fully what a best friend is, then BE one - without, necessarily, a specific person in mind.
It's a willingness to be and do those things I mentioned for someone else, and then a ...what...vulnerability, I guess, to accept those things from another.
You sound a little lonesome, to me, Erin. I hope you find what you want.
One thing I've learned is that the absence of a heart's desire can be made to feed dreams, poems, wisdom, inspiration, etc. It's only the 'grasping after' that pushes away potential.
Not every hole needs filling. Knowing what goes in the hole, defining its shape and texture and accepting that it is still a hole, goes a long way toward attracting the thing that fits it.
Good luck... :)
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