Sunday, November 27, 2005

Gratitude

For the birds outside my office window!

Today it's mostly nut hatches, chickadees and junkos...
but there was a short-lived invasion by a flock of birds I've never seen - very skittish - haven't identified them yet and they haven't been back though I put out more of the rich food they were going for... migrators? maybe. When I'm done with the homework, I'll see if the pictures came out well enough to get a look. :)

..for distracting me from homework, for providing joy,
and for the really funny noise Li'l Bit makes when she watches them

and snow


and the smell of fresh paint.
TTFN

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Thanksgiving?

I linked to this a day or two ago, but I really want it to have a place of its own. I hope you will read it and think about it and let it affect you. Thanks for posting it, Kristie.


Thanks No More: It’s Time for a National Day of Atonement
by Robert Jensen

One indication of moral progress in the United States would be the replacement of Thanksgiving Day and its self-indulgent family feasting with a National Day of Atonement accompanied by a self-reflective collective fasting.

In fact, indigenous people have offered such a model; since 1970 they have marked the fourth Thursday of November as a Day of Mourning in a spiritual/political ceremony on Coles Hill overlooking Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts, one of the early sites of the European invasion of the Americas.

Not only is the thought of such a change in this white-supremacist holiday impossible to imagine, but the very mention of the idea sends most Americans into apoplectic fits -- which speaks volumes about our historical hypocrisy and its relation to the contemporary politics of empire in the United States.That the world’s great powers achieved “greatness” through criminal brutality on a grand scale is not news, of course. That those same societies are reluctant to highlight this history of barbarism also is predictable.

But in the United States, this reluctance to acknowledge our original sin -- the genocide of indigenous people -- is of special importance today. It’s now routine -- even among conservative commentators -- to describe the United States as an empire, so long as everyone understands we are an inherently benevolent one. Because all our history contradicts that claim, history must be twisted and tortured to serve the purposes of the powerful.

One vehicle for taming history is various patriotic holidays, with Thanksgiving at the heart of U.S. myth-building. From an early age, we Americans hear a story about the hearty Pilgrims, whose search for freedom took them from England to Massachusetts. There, aided by the friendly Wampanoag Indians, they survived in a new and harsh environment, leading to a harvest feast in 1621 following the Pilgrims first winter.

Some aspects of the conventional story are true enough. But it’s also true that by 1637 Massachusetts Gov. John Winthrop was proclaiming a thanksgiving for the successful massacre of hundreds of Pequot Indian men, women and children, part of the long and bloody process of opening up additional land to the English invaders. The pattern would repeat itself across the continent until between 95 and 99 percent of American Indians had been exterminated and the rest were left to assimilate into white society or die off on reservations, out of the view of polite society.

Simply put: Thanksgiving is the day when the dominant white culture (and, sadly, most of the rest of the non-white but non-indigenous population) celebrates the beginning of a genocide that was, in fact, blessed by the men we hold up as our heroic founding fathers.The first president, George Washington, in 1783 said he preferred buying Indians’ land rather than driving them off it because that was like driving “wild beasts” from the forest. He compared Indians to wolves, “both being beasts of prey, tho’ they differ in shape.” Thomas Jefferson -- president #3 and author of the Declaration of Independence, which refers to Indians as the “merciless Indian Savages” -- was known to romanticize Indians and their culture, but that didn’t stop him in 1807 from writing to his secretary of war that in a coming conflict with certain tribes, “[W]e shall destroy all of them.”As the genocide was winding down in the early 20th century, Theodore Roosevelt (president #26) defended the expansion of whites across the continent as an inevitable process “due solely to the power of the mighty civilized races which have not lost the fighting instinct, and which by their expansion are gradually bringing peace into the red wastes where the barbarian peoples of the world hold sway.” Roosevelt also once said, “I don’t go so far as to think that the only good Indians are dead Indians, but I believe nine out of ten are, and I shouldn’t like to inquire too closely into the case of the tenth.”

How does a country deal with the fact that some of its most revered historical figures had certain moral values and political views virtually identical to Nazis? Here’s how “respectable” politicians, pundits, and professors play the game:
When invoking a grand and glorious aspect of our past, then history is all-important. We are told how crucial it is for people to know history, and there is much hand wringing about the younger generations’ lack of knowledge about, and respect for, that history. In the United States, we hear constantly about the deep wisdom of the founding fathers, the adventurous spirit of the early explorers, the gritty determination of those who “settled” the country -- and about how crucial it is for children to learn these things.

But when one brings into historical discussions any facts and interpretations that contest the celebratory story and make people uncomfortable -- such as the genocide of indigenous people as the foundational act in the creation of the United States -- suddenly the value of history drops precipitously and one is asked, “Why do you insist on dwelling on the past?”

This is the mark of a well-disciplined intellectual class -- one that can extol the importance of knowing history for contemporary citizenship and, at the same time, argue that we shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about history.This off-and-on engagement with history isn’t of mere academic interest; as the dominant imperial power of the moment, U.S. elites have a clear stake in the contemporary propaganda value of that history. Obscuring bitter truths about historical crimes helps perpetuate the fantasy of American benevolence, which makes it easier to sell contemporary imperial adventures -- such as the invasion and occupation of Iraq -- as another benevolent action.Any attempt to complicate this story guarantees hostility from mainstream culture. After raising the barbarism of America’s much-revered founding fathers in a lecture, I was once accused of trying to “humble our proud nation” and “undermine young people’s faith in our country.”

Yes, of course -- that is exactly what I would hope to achieve. We should practice the virtue of humility and avoid the excessive pride that can, when combined with great power, lead to great abuses of power.

History does matter, which is why people in power put so much energy into controlling it. The United States is hardly the only society that has created such mythology. While some historians in Great Britain continue to talk about the benefits that the empire brought to India, political movements in India want to make the mythology of Hindutva into historical fact. Abuses of history go on in the former empire and the former colony.History can be one of the many ways we create and impose hierarchy, or it can be part of a process of liberation. The truth won’t set us free, but the telling of truth at least opens the possibility of freedom.

As Americans sit down on Thanksgiving Day to gorge themselves on the bounty of empire, many will worry about the expansive effects of overeating on their waistlines. We would be better to think about the constricting effects on the day’s mythology on our minds.

Robert Jensen is a journalism professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of the board of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center He is the author of The Heart of Whiteness: Race, Racism, and White Privilege and Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (both from City Lights Books).

Kristie's comments: Why a Turkey - Why not Taco's?

Every year I seem to reflect on the same thought especially around Thanksgiving - why do we continually perpetuate myths to keep up our level of emotional comfort, even if it is just keeping us steeped in untruths. How many of us just go along with the program never asking why? The article below I found this morning written by Robert Jensen highlighting the history of Thanksgiving, but in many ways it reflects the dumbing down process of humanity to think for themselves when it comes to everyday existence, and how easy it has been to program people into a set of false beliefs. Traditions in many ways are just ways to condition peoples mind into robotic thinking, thus stopping the process of living in "NOW" time, where perhaps the energy present is more condusive to greater truth.Published on Monday, November 21, 2005 by CommonDreams.org

Some sweet thoughts & pictures for the Heart

Here are some links to things you might enjoy. I found them at Kristie's blog and had a good time with them.

www.GiveMeTheMasterKey.com
http://www.youarelovemovie.com/
http://www.lightmovie.com/

FYI:
The last two links put you in a loop so that your 'back' button won't work. If you want to come back here, use that tiny little down arrow just to the right of your 'back button'. A little menu will drop down and then you can pick Katethougths again! :)

Friday, November 25, 2005

A Directory of Posts

I've been wanting to organize this blog site a little and today seemed like a good day to do it. My sorting is a little arbitrary and may change over time. And it's entirely possible that no one will care but me. In any case, here it is.


Adventures I Have Had...or hope to ...
Motorcycle Mama
Ok, I confess...

Damsel
The Distress
Nearing the End
Damsel & the Chariot

Dragons I Have Known - Battled and/or Slain
Exfot Expectations for and about Others
Feebesee Fear of Being Seen
Conglutdemuck Compulsion, gluttony, denial, mired-in-the-muck
Conglutdemuck, Pt. 1: the REAL Introduction
Conglutdemuck, Pt. 2
Conglutdemuck, Pt. 3
Conglutdemuck, Pt. 4
Conglutdemuck, Pt. 5 Partial Sanity's a Bitch
Ferdykel
Idlowen - an introduction
Idlowen and the Now
Partial Sanity's a Bitch

Gratitude
11-23-2005
Birds
Birds and...
- the photos
After Joel's hospital stay

Home (NM)
Ready to come home
Home
Aspen Fest Weekend
My Mountains - a photo gallery
The Forest is Closed!
Women Rock!

Joel’s Heart Surgery/Health Matters & What I've Learned
Just Found Out
Exercise
On Aging
Limbo is a Four-Letter Word
Limbo Revisited & horn-tooting
Limbo Lessons
If you miss me & ...
We're Home & Joel's on the Mend
Care-giving
Quick Notes...
Late Afternoon Sun...a reflection
Our Second Homecoming
Our THIRD Homecoming
The Good News

LBGTQ
Hello, and What If?

Love ~ Unconditional & Otherwise
Can We Do It?
More on Love + link

Me~Singing~ONSTAGE!!!
Rushing squared
Last Run-thru
Damn, I'm Good
Dressing Room
Karaoke - well maybe
The Concert Photos
I may never do this again....

Miscellaneous Ruminations
Anger
A Quote on Anger
Law vs Justice
Humor...? OK
Best Friend?
Clearing the air...best f.
Best Friend - Revisiting
Identity Theft Protection
Traffic Deaths - a perspective
Integrity
Surrender, an intro
Computer viruses and Protection

Movin' to Texas
The Decision, Pt. 1 - What's New?
Moving to Texas, Pt. 2
A Catch-up...exploring
We're Baaack! (from the exploring trip)
The Photos I Promised
More on the Move
It's Hard to Come Back (to posting)
Crabby Crustacean
Old & New (Pt. 1)
Old & New (Pt. 2)

Omnicrone
Introduction to
Elderhood different author - worth text
Growing ...older, up...

On the passing of our little cat...
Lament
Shaula's Cats

Photos/funnies/food (some links may disappear with time....sorry)
Bowling, Liquid Sculpture, Carved Pumpkins
Flower Mandalas (refresh your screen)
Kate on the Rocks
Joke
Skillet Cabbage Recipe
Birds at the feeder
My Mountains
Grandma Luge
World Class Juggling! really!!
Feel-Good Moment
Heartwarming Dog Story
"god & Chocolate Ice Cream"
A Distraction

Serendipitous messages from unlikely Buddhas
"Fortune Candy"

Social/Environmental/Political ~ Consciousness & Quandaries
What to Do? a Quandary
Political Anger
Prejudice
Transitory Flights (Katrina)
9/11 Anniversary Thoughts
Katrina (msg. from Interfaith Alliance)
Katrina: So you want to help
Katrina - Perspectives
Katrina - More Perspective
2004 Pres. Election (?)
A Quote
Some News Sources
Thanksgiving?
What is Wrong with this Picture?

Spiritual Matters
on St. Francis' Birthday
Conscious Living
Breakthrough or Breakdown
Transitory Flights/Purpose
Duality
Eye & Heart Candy
God/god/goddess/Nature/Cosmic Mind
"god & chocolate ice cream"
Simplistic & Fundamental
Light Bulb
Enlightenment is Not a Process...

Now, the REAL irony

A couple of days ago, I treated myself to two Dove chocolate caramels. I didn't realize they put a little message on each wrapper...rather like a little 'fortune candy'.

The first one said
"Be FEARLESS"

The second one said
" Keep the Promises You Make to YOURSELF"

OMG
now my FOOD is talking to me!

I was too scared to eat #3.

Multi-post day? ...or just one big loong one...

Yesterday Joel and I went to one of the Mescalero Casinos for our turkey dinner and I thought, how ironic that the Indians should be cooking my Thanksgiving Dinner this time.

We ate too much, of course. (hmmm, that 'of course' has got to go.)
I noticed a couple of things: everything on the plates was beige except the green beans, everything was loaded with carbs or covered up with carbs, most (if not all) of it was processed, canned or frozen.

I liked skipping the work. I liked having no mess in my own kitchen. I did miss the turkey sandwich last night...


Today I read Laura's blog and found this post. I hope you'll go read them; much food for thought (sorry :))

Food
Read Dragon. Really BIG dragon. Really BIG and HAIRY and UGLY dragon.
I thought her name was Mom (comfort, nourishment don't you know) but it turns out that her name is
Compulsion. Gluttony. Denial. Mired-in-the-muck.
hmmmmm....................Conglutdemuck. That's it. CONGLUTDEMUCK con-'glut-de-muck meaning one who blinds her victims while seducing them into believing that she is only there to comfort, love and serve.

I've been becoming increasingly aware that something is wrong. for years, actually.
I've felt that I couldn't 'do my work in this body'.
I've figured out that I eat for many reasons none of which have to do with real nourishment.

The fact that I'm writing about her here is evidence (to me) that she is real, powerful, a true dragon - and perhaps the next one for my 'better dead' list.

I also have to say that this one scares me silly. no...that's not right. I'm crying, not laughing!
So much 'stuff' goes with it:
I love my kitchen
I love grocery shopping
I love my knives and my best pans
I love 'comfort' foods
I love recipes, foodtv.com, cooking, sauces!, entertaining, and EATING!

So much has to change. It seems a daunting task. It seems an absolutely necessary task.

It's necessary for my body, my health, and most especially...this dragon must die before I can go much farther along my spiritual path.

This is all I can do right now: just acknowledge her.
Later I'll sharpen the swords - perhaps my best chef's knife...?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

A Little pre-Turkey Quickie

What a day.
I've been catching up on the blogs of some friends (and soul sisters, I think).
I've been thinking of my mom (who made the transition to her next step two years ago yesterday), and of Joel (who will have heart surgery in a couple of weeks),
and of dragons
and denial
and fear

and perspective
and perfection...

We live in a stange world. It's big and distant, and right smack in the middle of our living rooms.
We become involved (or enmeshed) in our own dramas, only to be reminded of the drama in a sister's life...or in the life of a spiritual sister halfway round the world.

Today I am thankful for my sisters:
Joel, Laura, Erin, Jaylen, for all the ones I love
and for all the ones who are harder to love.
Today I am thankful for my brothers:
Jim, Jason, Alan; there are fewer of you because of me...mostly
(that's another post someday)

Today I'm thankful for peanut butter and swords and sweet music and friends and spirit.

Today, I'm also thankful for turkey, and now I'm going to go get some.
I hope you enjoy yours - or it's equivilent.

I'll be back soon.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Just when you think you're going to catch a breath...

It's 8:30; we've just returned from Albuquerque where we spent the ENTIRE day hanging around doctors' offices for what should have been routine tests. We were there a lot longer than we expected so we got to drive the 3 1/2 hours home mostly in the dark.
That little surprise was offset by the fact of the simply stunning full moon which rose over our left shoulders and then led us through the mountains to home.

Home - I love that word - and the place - and being in it.

We've both been mildly stunned by the news we got today. We are going back to Albuquerque in less than two weeks where Joel will have an angiogram one day to be followed (the very next morning) with mitral valve replacement surgery.

Can't really say much about it yet. Don't really know how I feel.
Joel's first reaction was to head toward panic, but the Dr. talked clearly and frankly to us. I think she believes him. She likes him. It likely to make things much better for her very quickly.

It's just a really BIG deal.
I don't know where I am.

I've come home; put a load of clothes in the washer; and in the morning we head for Austin, TX where I am scheduled for a QiGong workshop.
I don't know for sure if that is perfect timing or the most horrible timing.
Also, it means that while Joel will be in Austin, she won't be at the retreat - so she gets to do 2 1/2 days alone in a hotel (a thing she pretty much hates). After that we'll spend a day or two exploring then head slowly home again...maybe by way of the family farm in the panhandle of TX.

So let's see if I can keep my head on straight (insert gay joke here)
and manage to get a sense of qi, not to mention gong this weekend.

You may not see me here for a few days...let me rephrase that: I will not be posting on the site for at least a week. I hope all of you are well. I know some of you are having your own hard times.
Erin, thanks for your posts. I have read them...they have rich food for thought. I'll be back to them one of these days, soon.

To quote Garrison Keillor:
"Be well, do good works, and keep in touch."

Monday, November 14, 2005

Unconditional Love


Can we do it? Be it? What is it? What does it really mean?!

A friend of mine is struggling with this concept. She reminds me that I have struggled with this idea for a long time, but never written about it.

I wonder if it is a state to which we humans can aspire. It is certainly a worthy goal. And I believe that many of us can practice unconditional love in the general sense. You know, we ‘hold the people of the world in our hearts and wish them only love’. That’s good.
And that’s a piece of unconditional love.

But what about that in-your-face Aunt Fanny, who belongs to the other political party, hates your live-in girlfriend (and the fact that you have one), smokes like the diesel truck you can’t pass in traffic, eats with her mouth open – and lives next door?

Tough one, huh?
So, how do we get hold of, practice, and model unconditional love toward Aunt Fanny?

And what about your MOM? Not many will say they hate her.
But Moms are really BIG. Talk about in-your-face!

Add to that how vulnerable we are to them. Even the best moms can leave scars.
And there aren’t many ‘best’ moms.

I know one I consider to be a best mom. I could see it through all those years she was rearing her daughter. It shows in her child. Audrey is amazing on many levels, and as a young woman now, she is adding value to the lives of many through the work she has chosen and because of her high ethical standards.
Did her Mom rear her the very best way she knew? Yes.
Does she have any scars? Yes.
Will she, does she deal with them? Yes, because her mom worked on her own scars.

But these two are unique in my 58 years. I’ve never seen another Mother and Daughter who live like these two. Do they love unconditionally? I have no idea.

So what about the tougher cases?
What about the moms who didn’t want any kids in the first place?
What about the moms who wanted their daughter to be a son?
What about…..one could go on forever in this vein, but I think you get the point.

Unconditional love.

Can we do it?
Do you do it?
What does it mean?

Does it come with a cost?
Is it something you do, or something you are?
Can we love unconditionally someone we see every day, with whom we get periodically angry, or sad, or…anything?

Does unconditional love exist outside of all other emotions? Can we love unconditionally that mom who is killing herself by ignoring medical advice?
Does she have a reason? Does a reason matter?

I don’t know.

I’ve wondered many times if I know anything about love at all – any kind of love – for anyone.
I think I do. I think I love several people. Is it unconditional?
I can’t tell. When I’m angry or hurt, do I still love? I think so. Is it unconditional?

I don’t know.

Now and then I've thougth that I love very well. I can usually see another's side. I can put myself in anothers' shoes most of the time. (And more so, and more easily as I grow spiritually.)
But is that love, or just a broad view?

I don't know.

So talk to me of love.
Talk to me of unconditional love.
What does it mean to you? Are you adept?

Let’s talk.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Hey, Erin...

Check out the translator (bottom of the sidebar) and let me know how well it works. You can type in your own, or cut & paste from the site.... :)

And, thank again for checking up on me...

checking in...

Good Morning :) Erin, thanks for calling me back...it has been too long.

That's true; and no excuse - just feeling that there is so much to do and not enough time.
I like to give this site some thought and lately I seem to be jumping from one thing to another so fast... and then there is that pesky accounting course. What was I thinking???!!!

So here goes...
I think there is a HUGE and scary - I mean SCARY - dragon lying in wait for me.
I can sense her presence; smell her acrid breath; every now & then I think I see a wisp of smoke. sshhhh...
don't let her hear you...she thinks I'm still asleep...ssssshhhhhhhhhh..

Folks, this one may be the grandmother of them all - the Queen D - if you will. I can't even talk about her right now....

So I'm going to talk about something else!

Since the concert I've been pretty busy - well sorta busy - I am retired after all.
I'm enjoying the warm fuzzies I get from volunteering and am finding out that I have a few valuable skills in that arena. I'm working with two groups now and coming to the place where I have to decide where to put my energies. I'm pretty sure that the new domestic violence shelter will win my time. For the present...

The other group competing for my time is a politically active group seeking some major changes. So am I - on many levels. I've only met a few of the core group so far (they are in start-up mode), and I like them, and am impressed by the depth of their concerns and their commitments to challenging the status quo in our (very) conservative little village. I agree with them on SO many points.

Where the differences come up for me is in the nature of their emotional involvement. These people are angry. I'm not.
I bless them for it. My gut tells me that more of us need to do some shouting about the stuff going on in this world (and especially in this country) right now.

But anger in a political arena just doesn't work for me, right now.
I can see much room for mediated intense discussions among thinking people. But what seems to be going on in the world today smacks of the Hatfields and the McCoys. I'm not convinced that all the players are thinking, really, in a discover-the-facts discerning way. Everybody is perfectly willing to "judge"; I see so few walking in another's shoes.
It feels like fighting for the sake of supporting an unexamined set of beliefs.

And I see that one main challenge to accomplishing change is to awaken the masses of humans whose energy is stolen by the daunting tasks of keeping food on the table and roof over heads.

Being socially and politically conscious in today's world takes work. If it's all you can do to drag yourself from an underpaying job, through the chores, and onto the couch for a little TV; you might be catching a 30 min. network news show - but you're not really hearing the news. Real news is terribly elusive these days.

(I can do another whole rant on how any show on TV that is programmed by rating numbers and sells commercial advertising time can not possibly give anyone 'fair & balanced' "news".
Later, I assure you....!)

So, leaving the rest of that discussion for another time, I just say that I can work with this group whenever they are memorializing our military dead, whenever they hold a public function.
I'm just not willing to spend my time being angry along with them. I don't want my name on that list.

So---which list?
The Peace-full list.
The Gather the Women list.
The Spirit-full list.
I want to be a core member in a group(s) designed to hold sacred, loving, peaceful space and that teaches others how to make that happen.

To that end, I'm becoming more and more involved with Tai Chi and QiGong, with meditation, and with developing some retreats for women.

I got to go to a Tai Chi workshop with Grand Master William C.C. Chen (one of my teacher's teachers.) And next week I go to Texas for a QiGong workshop with Ken Cohen.
I love the movement, the quietness in both body and mind, and the seeming paradox around stillness and activity. Additionally QiGong has a strong medical aspect that I appreciate on many levels.

There is a monthly networking lunch shortly hosted by Barbara of High Mesa Healing Center, which will be one of the venues for my new retreats.
So, I've got to cut this short (?) and head to the shower.

If you'd like to give me a hand - then think of what you'd like to see, feel, experience in a 1-2 day weekend retreat and let me know what that looks like. I've got tons of ideas, now I need to know what you want. Can't wait to hear.

It's nice to be back.
More soon.